I was sitting in my office staring out the window, and I heard this in my silent conversation:
The last few months have been really hard
As the words floated around me I felt them impact my entire body, which was now feeling really heavy. I took a moment to think about what I’d silently said.
What did it mean?
There was this sense of rumination. I felt stuck to my chair, frozen in time, not moving, reflecting, and procrastinating about the future.
These experiences come and go throughout our lives, but its the silent conversations that we should listen out for, because they’re the ones that impact us the most, especially when we don’t notice them.
In my silent conversations, I continually believed I wasn’t enough.
When an experience like this comes, we must assess the story, the individual words, and their meaning, and dispute the negative opinions we’re silently saying about ourselves. So often I notice women hold these negative self opinions that they treat as facts, and 100% of the time there is evidence to suggest they are not factual at all.
We have a relationship with the words we use.
In order to shift your relationship to failure, I invite you to clearly observe your silent conversations, and how the words you use might be impacting your future possibilities. Don’t let these silent conversation continually run in the background without challenging them.
The words, the statements, the feelings and bodily sensations that accompany them are getting in the way of you creating what you want in life.
The bottom line is, this can change. You can shift your relationship with failure by understanding it better and challenging your words and thoughts.
In this post, we’re going to discuss how to shift your relationship with failure, and how closely observing our language can help us shift to different ways of thinking, and write a success story instead.
What’s Your Relationship with Failure?
I can’t count the conversations I’ve heard that start with something like; “I’m scared I might fail” or “I’ve failed again!”
What women are really claiming here is that they got something wrong, and that means they’ve failed. When we make these types of statements and claims, we also embody them. Feel what it feels like to you through your body.
The word becomes us and defines us so that who we fundamentally are at our very core, is a failure.
But the truth is, we can’t be that word!
The word creates a reality of something we are not. Our relationship with that word becomes our sad truth.
This use of words to fundamentally label humans was highlighted in a recent Huffington Post article.
In the article This Mom’s Response To Her Daughter Calling Her Fat Was Pitch Perfect, a mum takes the time to explain this to her daughter about the word ‘fat’:
“The truth is, I am not fat. No one is fat. It’s not something you can be. But I do have fat. We all have fat. It protects our muscles and our bones and keeps our bodies going by providing us energy…”
This beautiful distinction of language highlights a very important message that we cannot be defined by words.
In this same way, you can’t fail or be a failure.
Click the pic to grab your emotions and moods states guide to help you shift your relationship with failure ..
Language Defines ‘Fail’ and ‘Failure’ for Us
‘Fail’ is a verb. It means:
- Be unsuccessful in achieving one’s goal
- Neglect to do something
- Break down; cease to work well
You can be unsuccessful in achieving your goal.
You can neglect to do something.
Something you do can cease to work or can break down.
But you can’t be a failure. It simply isn’t possible.
‘Failure’ on the other hand, is a noun. It means:
- Lack of success
- The omission of expected or required action
- The action or state of not functioning
You can hold the opinion that you’ve had lack of success.
You can hold the opinion that you didn’t take or reach the required action.
You can hold the opinion that something you did or did not do, did or didn’t function properly.
But you can’t fundamentally be failure.
An adjective is a word we use to describe things or people. ‘Fail’ and ‘failure’ are not adjectives.
When we use words to describe ourselves, we say we are fundamentally fixed objects. Can you see how ridiculous this now sounds?
Change Your Story
You’re quite possibly sitting her reading this, questioning your relationship with failure and other fundamentally core self-assessments (judgments and opinions) you hold about yourself.
That’s good. There is no change without first observing that there is something to change.
But this doesn’t define you as failure. In the scheme of things all we can ever do is be a learner.
It might suggest you have neglected to do something, or you’ve been unsuccessful in a goal, but the great news is that no matter what your opinion is, you don’t have to be attached to either of the words fail and failure. They don’t define you, and you have not managed your life incorrectly. You are made up of your collective experiences but this does not mean you’re a fundamental failure.
You can start seeing yesterday as an experience, today as an opportunity, and tomorrow curiously. Life is an uncertain space for exploration.
What a wonderful way to look at life. This new and refreshing stance allows you to shift into a mood of acceptance for what’s been, and be curious and ambitious about the future. You’ll begin to let go of obliging yourself to be anything – you are perfectly fine just the way you are right now. You don’t need to be any different.
Write Your New Story
Now the fun can begin.
When you free yourself of the stranglehold of fail and failure, these words no longer define you, and you’re free to write a different story. It all starts with you.
There will be spaces inside your body where there were once blockages. These spaces open you up to a whole new reality and opportunities you couldn’t observe when the words took up the space.
Your intuition will appear and your senses will be heightened. Your story was always there, and it is now. As you clear these fundamental judgments and opinions of yourself, that clarity becomes a new feature in your life.
How do you want things to be?
Curiosity is a mood of inquiry, experimentation, trial and error.
It’s a wonderful mood as it makes room for error, and allows mistakes to be experiences even if you think you’ve taken a path that hasn’t served you for what you want to create.
Curiosity allows you to go down dead end roads, turn around, come back, and find another road to go down.
It says these things:
“I’m not sure what is going to happen.”
“It will be interesting to find out.”
“The world is a fascinating place.”
In the mood of curiosity, your sense of self disappears, and you take on a different posture – open, wide-eyed, with an open chest. You begin to see possibilities you never thought could be possible for you.
In this mood I invite you to ask yourself this:
“If things could be as I want them to be what would my life look like?”
In this mood of inquiry, I invite you to explore your new story. Here are some ways that can be helpful to live in this new inquiry:
- Go for a walk and reflect
- Journal – write down everything that comes to you
- Talk to a partner, a friend, a mentor or a coach
- Get some sticky notes and write down every single idea – one on each sticky note
- Create a mood board
- Pray or ask the universe to allow the ideas to flow through you – whatever works for you
- Develop a vision board
- Make a list
- Write down the things that you’re good at, like doing, or experienced at
- Have a sleep
- Research your ideas
- Do some action research – try some things out that you can do straight away to see if you like them
Do whatever feels right for you in a mood of inquiry – curiously. Keep your mind open to all your thoughts and ideas. This is not you taking action to secure your future. It’s you exploring, inquiring, and seeing beyond what currently is. This is you changing your relationship with failure.
Join my FREE mini challenge Get Curious. In this challenge you will learn more about the world of curiosity. I give you challenges where you can begin to see curiosity in the little moments.
Individual words have meaning, and we have a relationship with the words we use. The next time you think of yourself as a failure, remember you can’t be one, you can only exhibit certain actions of the words fail or failure.
- Define your relationship with failure. How are you using the word failure to define you?
- Language defines ‘fail’ and ‘failure’ for us – we can never be a failure.
- Choose your story. See yesterday as an experience, today as an opportunity, and tomorrow curiously.
- Once you’ve taken on this new perspective, write your story! Have fun with it, put yourself in a mood of inquiry and explore what’s possible.
And remember above all – you are not failure.
How are you feeling about the ideas above? Does any of this make you want to shift your relationship to failure in the future? Let me know in the comments below, I’d love to hear what you think!
Finally, click the image and join my FREE mini challenge Get Curious. I’d love to see you there!
I wish the best of care for you this day and every day.
Do you have any questions? Comments? Insights? I’m here to listen! Let’s chat below.
P.S. I also have a Facebook page where I’d love to chat with you and answer your questions! Click here and like my page.