I’m not exempt from painful moments. Today is one of those moments. When I need self-coaching I feel it in my emotions and body. I experience life just as you do. We’re all human. It doesn’t make me weak or in anyway compromises my coaching ability. It makes me acutely aware that life is fickle and that humans are emotional beings. We all have an intuitive ability to to deeply feel our experiences. We have been blessed with wisdom that cultivates more and more as we age. The question is do we listen to this wisdom? I’m sharing with you 5 ways inner learning cultivates wisdom. And you’ll learn that this doesn’t happen without some pain. Here is an exert from my diary…
“Frozen in time. I sit. What does “forward” look like? Every action I take is a result of my emotions, and every emotion, shapes the way I’m experiencing life today. Today, the emotion of ‘frozen’ has won. I’m don’t know how to get past it and as I sit in stillness, I ponder and wonder. This doesn’t feel like a low. It is somewhere around neutral. The newness of this experience feels odd. My experience of passion and ambition is hiding, but I know its there because I can feel it in every muscle and joint pain. In pain I feel desperate to show up but there’s no way out. Instead, it pushes forcefully outwards towards the pores of my skin and tips of my joints as a message, and a reminder that something awaits me.
During every single experience of this pain there is a story to be told. That only I know. I honor my personal interpretation and respect and nurture my soul. As a person with the autonomous right to feel, I preserve this experience and allow no one to tell me how I feel, what to do, and how I should do it. I am my own authority and in this moment I accept that today, this is the way things are…”
Every one of us has times where life just seems hard. It doesn’t matter what age we are there is always something to learn, and boldly I state, treasure. Right in these uncomfortable moments, we get to experience things differently than what we would if we didn’t have them. As difficult as they can be, they carry the voice of inner learning. The wisdom I experience within this moment gets a voice. I welcome it. I’m not convinced today that I’m hearing all there is to hear within that deep, inner voice, but if I’m patient, I will.
The 5 Ways to Learn From Yourself Through Your Pain
INNER LEARNING 1: Harness Wisdom Moments
Even if right now, wisdom feels like a foreigner to you, it is there, sitting there listening to every single judgment and opinion, waiting for you to feel its presence. Learning always lies within, even in those moments where you find yourself ‘parenting’ your choices. The words and emotions are the learning. Don’t push them away. Sit with them, talk to them and nurture them.
INNER LEARNING 2: Self-kindness Over Motivation
Start here! There is no motivation without self-kindness. As soon as you treat yourself like you would treat others, you’ll begin to let go of resistance. Resistance hides wisdom. My mentor once stated: “What if there were nothing to achieve…no result to get?” When you let go of resistance, you’ll stop searching for results, you’ll be more present and live in the moment so you can enjoy life as it can be enjoyed.
Sometimes there’s a part of ourselves that we judge so harshly that we don’t’ see it’s happening. We don’t observe it. There’s merit in taking yourself aside, giving yourself permission to have a body and soul day (or week) and just immerse yourself in self-kindness. It is only our society that tells us this is an indulgence not be afforded to anyone. The moments I do that sustain me. Motivation comes about through an inner calm, which comes about through inner learning, tapping into your wisdom and settling into acceptance. Fear based living is exhausting but when you let go of the story that you have to be motivated to do anything successfully you’ll feel the resistance release from your body.
INNER LEARNING 3: Acceptance Starts At Home
My ears prick up at the multitude of judgments and opinions in the world today. So often we treat our opinions as facts, and more often than not they’re full of self-judgment and judgment of others. They hurt people and divide communities. They create resentment. For every judgment we make of someone else, it’s likely we make at least one judgment of ourselves. We can be such hard task masters that we begin to struggle to keep up with our own standards!
When you make an error of your own judgment, accept yourself for that and then listen carefully to your opinions. In the journey of self-acceptance you’ll begin to accept others as they are. It’s when you don’t observe self-judgments that they hold you back.
INNER LEARNING 4: The Uncertainty In Preparation
There are not many guarantees in life. What happens when something doesn’t go to plan? Picture yourself here…what if you didn’t get that job or all of a sudden you lose your job? You start up a new business but you don’t see the growth you expected? All of a sudden you’re 50 and realised you’re not where you want to be? What are you doing to do then? You’ve prepared your whole life for tomorrow and now that tomorrow is here and you’re not happy with what you see and what you’ve got, you begin to lose faith in your ability, your motivation and your skills.
This scenario can happen and it does. Uncertainty is an emotion we learn to live with. In order to make a life as you want it to be, there needs to be an element of acceptance in every uncertain moment. But it’s not something to push aside and ignore, or run a story about how hard up we are. As uncomfortable as it can be, when you accept it, you won’t stop exploring different ways to make things work.
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INNER LEARNING 5: Learn About Yourself From Your Opinions Of Others
I remember a time when I didn’t observe my husband as a caring, loving human being. That probably sounds harsh, and maybe I was harsh. However, when I look past that judgment I see my internal pain. Over many years I lived in relationship with him through that pain. Then one day I finally allowed myself to fully experience the hurt, and I started to tune into my body which told me something was missing for me personally. I judged him for not not being a certain way for me. Yet it was me needed personal growth before I was capable of truly seeing the man I married. With insight, perhaps I would have experienced those early years quite differently. There were too many years lived blaming and judging.
When we judge and blame we often take the high road approach to relationships. Call this unfair or call this the filter with which we view the world. I’d prefer the latter. Not for one minute do I believe we would do this if we tuned into our own pain.
Don’t be harsh on yourself. As I state this I realise it easier said than done. After all, I was the master judger. Perhaps let yourself sit with this thought. See what you make of it and what comes up for you. You will experience learning in the sometimes painful triggers. How wonderful our bodies are at giving us clues. Whatever we’re meant to “get”, whatever wisdom we’re meant to learn, we will learn when we listen close enough. Writing to you today has been cathartic. Whoever you are, thank you for reading. I trust you will take from this what you will.
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I wish the best of care for you this day and every day.
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