It seems to me that conversation is perhaps the most overlooked source of learning. What can be revealed in conversations to really listen deeply to what you’re saying to yourself, as well as others. Perhaps the least enjoyable conversation we have with ourselves is the one where we define our worth, and our self-esteem. We’re constantly in conversation with ourselves and while we’re mostly aware we’re doing this, we tend to tuck them away because the judging messages are very uncomfortable. So many of our private conversations carry on in the background unnoticed. They influence our emotions, they shape our experiences and our way of going about life. Allowing yourself to hear what it is you’re saying, and what you’re experiencing physically is one component of intuitive learning. Therefore the most important conversation you will have is the one you have with yourself.
The strength of your relationship with yourself reflects the strength of your relationships with others
Even if you are not aware, you are always having a conversation with yourself about something. This activity carries on all day. Not necessarily serving you. Rather than pushing them away I’m challenging you to listen to yourself as a learner. Either you go on ignoring your internal conversations or you decide to be a curious, self compassionate, forgiving and accepting learner.
You know those times when you realise you’ve been drifting off into your thoughts, and you’re not sure when that started? When your focus shifts and before long you’re back to telling yourself you’re not good enough, smart enough or something else enough?
Two things are happening here:
- You’re listening from your ‘shaped’ world view
- The conversations you have are on automatic pilot – running out of awareness
Due to this unawareness our conversations often hold self-perpetuating judgments. Sometimes carrying on for years…longer than you would care to remember!
Meaning Making ~ Conversation
One way we make sense of the world is through language, listening and speaking. Where we are forming world views, deciding, planning, dreaming, and envisioning our life and purpose. Therefore the conversations we have are absolutely necessary for us to progress.
Yet there’s an elephant in the room blocking our view. While many of us do a very good job carrying on in conversation planning away, some of us continue to hold the imposter syndrome. As a result of poor listening we don’t challenge our held assumptions, therefore they stop us in our tracks and paralyse us from living a full and purposeful life. Additionally because they are full of self-judgment and doubt, they shape the relationship we have with others, consequently influencing how and what conversations to have.
Interpreting Experience ~ Conversation
It makes sense that as we continually make interpretations we form personal ‘truths’ about ourselves. We learn to do that. We’re taught to judge and discriminate. And by the way this is exactly how we learn about what and how to judge and form standards, and shape our opinions. Whether you like yourself or not has everything to do with your learning experiences . And since we’re on the subject, while we’re learning about ourselves we learn about what we can expect from others.
Lets say I don’t believe I’m smart. There’s a good chance this opinion I hold of myself prevents me from taking certain actions, and a strong chance I start to say things like “I haven’t got what it takes” or “I won’t be good enough”.
Why is it that two people with the same skills and talent can approach life so differently? Person one just does it and person two struggles to get off the blocks. Both person one and two have internal conversations. One says I