There is a power struggle in relationships that renders us unable to reflect and gain personal insight. The irony is that to stop the power struggle we need reflection and personal insight. It’s a process. Actually, it’s a learning process. The day I first gained insight was just the beginning. You know when you finally develop a skill and you realise it took months, even years to acquire the proficiency? It’s no different from personal reflection and insight.
In the most unlikely circumstances in a micro second insight renders us surprised and can quickly jolt us into personal responsibility.
It doesn’t matter which end of the power struggle you believe you’re on. There’s always something to learn. I’ve had many relationships where the power balance was tipped one way or another. Each time, there was something to learn.
I invite you now to reflect on a situation when you realised not everything about the challenges you were facing with someone else, was about them.
Balance of Power
I believe there a major source of pain in relationships is a balance of power. People fighting to be right and get what they want. It doesn’t matter who the relationship is with, children, partner, sibling, parent, or significant other from work, community or business or even politics. Someone for some reason or other always end up exerting more power, and someone usually feels like they have “lost out”.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. Power is an interpretation that we (the person trying to gain power) have the answers. We’re fighting to be right.
What’s really going on?
Each one of us is just trying to take care of what’s most important to us, and in that process, be truly listened to.
The result is often a clash. But when you think about it, if all we’re ever doing is trying to take care of what’s important to us, shouldn’t we each be able to listen deeply to one another without pulling ourselves away to our own thoughts, to truly listen for understanding?
This refreshing way to think about power imbalance will set you free.
When you know this person is trying to take care of their concerns, the things that matter most to them, the things that deeply matter to them, you become a better listener. Through listening you will stop believe it is all about you. Which it rarely is.
Taking Personal Responsibility
Taking personal responsibility is the best thing you can do for yourself and the other person involved in any challenging circumstance. But for a moment let’s put “your part” aside .. we’re not focusing on the argument, at this point. Go back a step.
Focus on your concerns and ask yourself this;