I was shocked and surprised the day I noticed I no longer habitually lived with Anxiety. As I wondered when things had changed and why I hadn’t noticed the changes, it shocked me to think I didn’t actually realise I was living with anxiety in the first place. In that profound moment I was a deeper and more intuitive learner. Fast forward to now and I can share that I carried a lot of blame. At the basis of this blame was anxiety. The emotional cost of blame weighed heavy and took a front seat in my life. I gave it more authority to roam freely. It held me back. Until I finally tuned in and thank goodness I did, because if I didn’t I’d still be where I was 2 years ago.
I replayed a video of the past few years picking up on major events trying to pinpoint how and when this had happened. I wondered how I was interacting with my environment and what part of the interaction had me believing blame was going to protect me. What I discovered was astounding to me. Not only had I lived with anxiety but it had profoundly affected every decision I had made, every action I took, and all the actions I wish I took but didn’t. Until that moment I had obviously been living in a world where intuitive learning was completely unavailable – transparent most of the time.
What was I pushing aside that I should have been listening to?
I’ve always valued and sought out personal development. Here’s the thing though. Personal development requires that you are emotionally present and is really only possible when you are present to those emotions and moods that are blocking your learning. The things that get in the way of you being able to observe and broaden your perspective.
Personal Development is only possible when you are present to those emotions and moods that are blocking your learning.
I’ve always been an ambitious visionary but how much was anxiety was contributing to being stuck and not allowing my vision and ambition come together as one to create the life I wanted? I started to make a shift and let my confidence catch up to my vision. But it took some work and I had to make a declaration to release blame.
In our society when things don’t go as planned we’ve learnt to look for a cause. We live in a cause and effect world. We’ve been taught to look for the relationship between actions or events. While this way of observing can help us find answers to logical problems it doesn’t position us as learners who take personal responsibility. Oh my gosh! I’m not suggesting for one moment that you blame yourself and nor am I suggesting you don’t take responsibility for your actions. Read on…
Before your thoughts draw you toward “other people are often the cause” thinking, I ask you to pause and reflect on this right now as a learner not a blamer.
Blaming happens because we are in a world of high standards, where we are taught that if we make mistakes we should feel guilty, and if the mistake is big enough we should feel ashamed.
Is there any wonder we try so hard to blame something external to ourselves? If we don’t meet up to these standards we feel unrealistically responsible for not ‘getting it right’ because we’re taught that making a mistake is wrong and getting it wrong is not okay. Blame becomes our comfort. It’s safe there. But it’s not where the learning happens. At the other extreme anxiety feels like overwhelm in your body. It feels like you can’t cope with this situation. So overwhelm is as much of a ‘felt’ bodily experience as it is a mood of anxiety.