Living a self-authoring life means relying on and trusting in your intuition, voicing your own concerns and following your own heart and soul… rather than handing over your authority to anyone else.
Humans do strive for this but that doesn’t remove the insidiousness that we often give others a stronger voice than our own. Perhaps searching to make self-driven choices and choosing what freedom means to us makes us more acute listeners to the messages we’re fed.
When we are faced with judgments and opinions at epidemic proportions, before we are aware of it, we can be pulled away from listening to our own intuitive sense. The world is complex now. Where we once would have listened to our family or tight-knit community, we are now exposed to judgments and opinions well beyond our front doors. Global connectedness that in times gone by many have dreamed about, for all it’s good, has a downside.
As a human species living in the complexity of language, we are so quick to judge and advise on our opinions… and we state them as though they are the truth. In such a disruptively noisy world is it any wonder we struggle to find our own equilibrium, our heart and soul’s centre and a place to safely land – a place where we can trust the safety of our own being.
Perhaps the trick, the key, or an idea – however you choose to language it – may be to find a way to give others a voice without giving them authority.
This in itself is not easy, however, it is doable. But it’s going to take an acute observation of who we are giving authority to. Observing people who consider themselves as authorities over us – holders of ‘truth’ – is not as easy as it sounds, but perhaps it is a starting point to self-authoring. Widening the lens through which we currently interpret how we listen and what we listen to, is maybe the single most important action any of us take.
As I recently began to shift into a self-authoring level of existence, I began to observe this judgement and opinion phenomenon like it was a beacon in the night. My view began to expand and I noticed that what I was listening to was much more than opinions. It (the entire phenomenon of stating things as though they are the truth) was and still is a demand for obedience. Its route is concern and fear.
People Judge And Share To Serve Their Concerns
Humans are concernful human beings. It comes naturally to humans to take care of the things that concern us and matter most to us. If in some way what matters most to me is making sure you listen to what I think matters and do what I think you should do, I’m likely going to make my opinion heard. On some level, every person on the planet does this. I’m doing it right now… I’m taking care of what matters most to me by giving women something to think about, putting myself out there as an authority on living a self-authored life.
Why? What matters most to me is women relinquishing self-doubt, trusting their intuition so they can take a leap of faith toward a self-empowered life as opposed to giving others authority to hold their truth.
How do we observe and make meaning of our own personal world as a basis for living a joyful and satisfactory life? And how do we avoid getting caught up in the pitfalls of listening to someone’s ‘truth’ and demand for obedience? In my opinion, the most important step forward is to gauge how you listen.
Women Listening And Sharing
Women innately share stories, experiences and support one another through thick and thin. They are really good at giving advice and sharing their concerns for people they love and care for. It is a wonderful gift and the reason why they listen so intently to other peoples’ thoughts and opinions.
Therefore if we want to self-author, it is in conversations that women must listen for and observe the demand for obedience. I believe we miss the signs and I don’t think we necessarily want to stop this conversational act when it continues to serve us. We listen this way when we haven’t yet granted ourselves permission to devise and live by our own standards – and when we don’t trust our own plan.
When we’re the person giving advice, we can only ever interpret the situation from our own frame of reference… and rarely if ever give consideration to the context of the other person’s life. We don’t see that by telling someone how it is, de-legitimises them. It takes them out of the driver’s seat. For that split moment, we become the author of their life. Because women are so innately good at this, we as women also look for this type of support from others. So often giving others the authority to tell us how things should be for us, we therefore give away our right to self-author.
If you’re allowing others to be the author of your life, now is the time to tune into what you’re doing as a means for taking back your own authority to self-author your life.
Intuitive learning supports my body and soul. Time and time again I have come to observe my body is a safe place to land. I rely upon it most when I’m questioning my own judgement, second-guessing my decisions and feeling confused. It’s the first place I go to whenever things feel out of balance. Each time I come back to my body, no matter where I started from, I land in a much happier place. I have to take my body with me wherever I go, so why not utilise it for it’s intuitive and supportive nature?
Listening intuitively brings a deeper kind of learning that no one else has access to.
You have experienced your whole life through your body, with your body and in your body. If there is any truth, the holder of your ‘truth’ is your body and your intuition – at soul level. Tapping into your body intuitively as a source of learning your own truth is a powerful way of observing what you want your life to look like. It will enable you to hold others’ judgments, opinions and standards lightly so you don’t become trapped by their ‘truth’.
Observing Your Way Of Being
Another way to approach intuitive learning is learning from your way of being. From an ontological interpretation, your way of being is made up as three interrelated parts of human existence: language (speaking and listening), emotions (moods and feelings), and body (your physical being). Your way of being shapes how you perceive and interact with the world.
At the heart of your way of being is your soul. Listening deeply or tapping into these three interrelated parts of existence allow you to access your soul and reach your intuition, so you become the driver of your life.
Way Of Being As A Way Of Learning
Listen To The Language
I want to take you back to one an earlier point… humans can be quick to be holders of the truth and demand obedience. This happens in the domain of language. We grant others the authority to be holders of the truth, and by doing this we give permission for others to tell us how things are and should be. We get so caught up in listening to this external noise that it becomes so easy to forget to listen to our own voice. You know the story – the daily comparisons that encompass your body and soul’
Filtering the information you listen to through conversation requires a deeper listening to your intuition. It’s not always so easy to do, especially when you have spent a life time granting others authority and taking on their opinions. Authority can sound something like this: ‘this is the only way to approach the situation, therefore you must do it or “X” will happen’. So often we’re told we must do something a certain way that we rarely observe we’re taking on someone else’s opinion. Language of authority uses obligation words such as ‘should, ‘must’, ‘ought’, ‘will’.
Listen To The Emotions And Moods
Emotions are such an integral part of our lives, and as we mature into the 21st-century era, we’re becoming more accustomed to noticing and accepting emotions. Yet as we accept their existence, we perhaps fail to observe both the deeper habitual moods that become part of our everyday lives. Moods cannot ever be experienced in isolation to language. They need a story – a narrative that shapes them – and a worldview to hold the judgments and opinions.
Moods plus a narrative and the worldview that resides in the narrative is the result of how we interact with the world – how we behave. Emotions and moods can run us, especially when we’re dissatisfied with something in our life that we’re seeking answers to. We use language to seek answers, but the emotions and moods circumnavigate our path.
The Embodiment of Your Life Story
Your biography becomes your biology. In other words, you embody your life’s experiences within the structure that is your body. Imagine embodying the culmination of your narrative and the moods you have come to live in? When you begin to observe this embodiment, you will soon see how the experiences that have shaped you into the human you have become are not just in your head. They have an embodied historical relevance.
Observing from the embodiment of your narrative will allow you to expand the lens to view and interact with the world from a self-authoring position.
As I sit in my office typing away to take care of the things that matter most to me: women self-authoring their lives, I realise I’ll always live this way. The most important thing to me is giving myself an interesting and exciting platform to express it, a space to share my passion with women around the globe.
As you begin to self-author your own life, you’ll come to learn not everything you think is the truth, actually is the truth. You’ll start to see through the judgments and opinions of others, and perhaps you might even question some authority figures in your life. If you’ve given authority to someone in the distant or recent past and it no longer serves you, you can decide how you want that relationship to be from this point forward.
Your mood is so crucial to the conversation. Grab the FREE mini challenge and learn how to GET CURIOUS so you’re not going into the conversation in anxiety or resentment ..
7 Hot Tips To Give Others A Voice Without Giving Them Authority
1. Listen to the opinions and judgements of others by holding them lightly and curiously
Don’t take others quite as seriously as what you have in the past. Be curious about what you’re listening to. If something doesn’t sound or feel right to you, chances are your intuition has got your back
2. Consider the context in which they make the statement – is it relevant for you?
No one knows you like you know you. You have lived your whole life with yourself. When someone puts themselves out there as an authority over you, they often have no idea that what they’re saying is not taking the full scope of your situation into consideration. Allow yourself to learn from your own intuition – not from what others tell think is best for you.
3. Tune into you the learning from your emotions when someone demands that you listen
Your emotions (and moods) serve you. They will help you learn more about yourself. Don’t push them aside or treat them as though they are not relevant. If your emotional response tells you it isn’t right, it probably isn’t.
4. Notice how your body responds to opinions, judgments and demands for obedience
When someone tries to be the author of your life, your body will kick into action. You’re having bodily sensations for a reason. If you feel flat, squashed, tense, tight, anxious or resigned, that’s your body telling you there is something within you to listen to – not the other person.
5. Observe curiously and without judgement and attachment to what you’re listening to (see Get Curious below – your free challenge!)
It’s not easy to observe curiously without judgement and attachment, but it is doable. Curiosity is a mood of inquiry – of wonder and fascination. From the self-authoring person it can sound like: ‘this is a fascinating conversation. I wonder what concerns this person is trying to take care of?’
6. Give yourself time and permission to choose either of the following four responses:
- I agree
- I don’t agree
- I’m not sure I can agree with you
- Hmmm that’s a fascinating point _ one that I haven’t considered
You don’t have to agree with anyone, although you can! This is the language of choice. Agreeing is not a sign of weakness, just as not agreeing is not a sign of strength. Think of them in terms of choice. When you listen curiously, you give yourself time and space to weigh up the situation and come up with your own conclusions.
7. You first – observe by tuning into the things that matter most to you first
All the things that matter most to you are the things that matter the most! This is about really tuning into your own heart and soul, and reaching in to seek your own conclusions. To do that you can ask yourself this: what matters most to me in this situation?
Download the handout to your self-authoring life, and give yourself authority every single day. This is your chance to start observing and listening differently and ultimately to thrive on your own terms.
If you want to start practicing at being a powerful observer, grab Get Curious HERE!
Related Post: Switch Self Doubt Words To Calm Confident Living Words
I wish the best of care for you this day and every day.
Do you have any questions? Comments? Insights? I’m here to listen! Let’s chat below.
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