I’ve coached groups of wonderful women to develop confidence and listen to themselves as their own guiding light. As always there are a lot of conversations about how different each of them would like things to be. Self esteem is often low, which affects their motivation to make any change stick. Like most of us, these women were looking for tips and strategies. A magic wand to make things different from the way they are now, and they wanted it in a hurry! Like many of us they were listening through self-judgment. It pains me to see this and I want to reach as many women as I can and share my 3 signs you’re not listening to yourself.
We are geared to look for answers and get results. Every time someone asks me to provide them with strategies and tips, to their ‘problems’, I’m very cautious. Why? Because the answers lie within. And listening to yourself is the key! Let me explain…
For many things in life, if it’s humanly possible, it’s possible for you! If most people can do it, you can usually do it. From improving your relationships, to changing career, to landing that dream job taking that dream holiday or whatever it is you want. If what I’m saying is possible, then why don’t we always experience life the way we want to? What holds us back? If deep down most of us believe things can be different, what is that hurdle that stops us in our tracks?
I have personally observed many women struggle to observe using their intuition. Intuition is that gut feeling that tells us something isn’t sitting well with us, AND that something needs our attention. If we listen to it, we begin to break down the walls, the barriers that are somehow getting in the way of us taking some action. The consequence of avoiding it, is more of the same pain. For my wonderful group of women, it was very interesting to hear them state they couldn’t make the changes they wanted to make, that they didn’t have the capacity for things to be different.
There are signs to tell you that you’re not listening to yourself…
1. What Ever It Is We Want To Change Doesn’t Change
When things stay the same, and we keep repeating unhelpful behaviours, there is something deeper getting in the way of that! I listen for the word ‘but’. Using ‘but’ over and over again can indicate a lack of belief, in yourself or in your capacity to cope. ‘But’ is the language of resignation. Many of my wonderful group of women recognised they were unhappy and dissatisfied with their life, yet the amount of times they used the word ‘but’ told me they were resigned that things couldn’t change. ‘But’ is sneaky. It can go unnoticed. The effort to make things different doesn’t mean squat when ‘but’ is the basis of every conversation. It creates more pain and as much as we might want things to be different, ‘but’ opposes change. It keeps us safe from the real pain we may be experiencing. That pain that seems to difficult to face.
2. We May Not Believe We Have The Capacity To Live Our Passions
The belief that we don’t have the capacity can be hiding in the background. It is a cruel and very sneaky conversation we have with ourselves that prevents the very actions we know we could take. While it may seem like there is no action, not doing something is an action in itself – sitting on the couch and pondering over your inability to do something is an action. The silent words and personal judgments hang around. These are core self-assessments, the things we treat as facts. As a consequence the more they sit silently in the background, the more they will still be loud and clear internally, in the emotions and bodily sensations we experience. Almost certainly these silent actions take us away from the direction we want to head. Potentially more judgment. That’s an action. If you’re doing this, perhaps you’re not listening to something important.