I’ve coached groups of wonderful women to develop confidence and listen to themselves as their own guiding light. As always there are a lot of conversations about how different each of them would like things to be. Self esteem is often low, which affects their motivation to make any change stick. Like most of us, these women were looking for tips and strategies. A magic wand to make things different from the way they are now, and they wanted it in a hurry! Like many of us they were listening through self-judgment. It pains me to see this and I want to reach as many women as I can and share my 3 signs you’re not listening to yourself.
We are geared to look for answers and get results. Every time someone asks me to provide them with strategies and tips, to their ‘problems’, I’m very cautious. Why? Because the answers lie within. And listening to yourself is the key! Let me explain…
For many things in life, if it’s humanly possible, it’s possible for you! If most people can do it, you can usually do it. From improving your relationships, to changing career, to landing that dream job taking that dream holiday or whatever it is you want. If what I’m saying is possible, then why don’t we always experience life the way we want to? What holds us back? If deep down most of us believe things can be different, what is that hurdle that stops us in our tracks?
I have personally observed many women struggle to observe using their intuition. Intuition is that gut feeling that tells us something isn’t sitting well with us, AND that something needs our attention. If we listen to it, we begin to break down the walls, the barriers that are somehow getting in the way of us taking some action. The consequence of avoiding it, is more of the same pain. For my wonderful group of women, it was very interesting to hear them state they couldn’t make the changes they wanted to make, that they didn’t have the capacity for things to be different.
There are signs to tell you that you’re not listening to yourself…
1. What Ever It Is We Want To Change Doesn’t Change
When things stay the same, and we keep repeating unhelpful behaviours, there is something deeper getting in the way of that! I listen for the word ‘but’. Using ‘but’ over and over again can indicate a lack of belief, in yourself or in your capacity to cope. ‘But’ is the language of resignation. Many of my wonderful group of women recognised they were unhappy and dissatisfied with their life, yet the amount of times they used the word ‘but’ told me they were resigned that things couldn’t change. ‘But’ is sneaky. It can go unnoticed. The effort to make things different doesn’t mean squat when ‘but’ is the basis of every conversation. It creates more pain and as much as we might want things to be different, ‘but’ opposes change. It keeps us safe from the real pain we may be experiencing. That pain that seems to difficult to face.
2. We May Not Believe We Have The Capacity To Live Our Passions
The belief that we don’t have the capacity can be hiding in the background. It is a cruel and very sneaky conversation we have with ourselves that prevents the very actions we know we could take. While it may seem like there is no action, not doing something is an action in itself – sitting on the couch and pondering over your inability to do something is an action. The silent words and personal judgments hang around. These are core self-assessments, the things we treat as facts. As a consequence the more they sit silently in the background, the more they will still be loud and clear internally, in the emotions and bodily sensations we experience. Almost certainly these silent actions take us away from the direction we want to head. Potentially more judgment. That’s an action. If you’re doing this, perhaps you’re not listening to something important.
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3. We Believe Others Have The Answers
We listen to everyone else but ourselves and believe others have the answers to our problems. As a result of not trusting yourself, you will find it hard to look within for the clues. You may even search for answers outside of ourselves. Instead of having a conversation with you, it’s more likely you’ll seek out others to give you the answers to release your pain. When you others suggestions as gospel, and try out their advice and strategies to no avail. Why is it that what others suggest we do is so hard to put into practice? It seems like when something feels right for us, we find that within us. When someone else ‘gives’ us answers, they are often way off the mark because they are not us.
These wonderful women all dealt with their concerns differently, and they started to tune in. It was terrific to experience. As painful as it sometimes was, they learnt a lot about themselves and one by one they started to break down their pain.
And finally…On Motivation
I see a lot of messages of motivation and pushing forward. On wards and upwards! My mentor, Alan Seiler (Newfield Institute) uses the words “struggle and strive”, as a metaphor for the message we so often hear that tells us we ‘should’ be pushing for results, or we ‘ought’ to be doing better! Rubbish. We do what we can. Living life well doesn’t mean we have to struggle and strive. Therefore listening to yourself, to your intuition will help you begin to peel back one layer at a time.
I invite you to do the FREE mini challenge GET CURIOUS
The bottom line is, it takes all our strength to push through, but when you operate from a mood of curiosity and wonder, you will be much more relaxed, and you’ll be more equipped to handle life’s challenges.
Grab the challenge. It’s FREE!
In the midst of life and the demands of everyday living there is increasing uncertainty in which can arise the desire to do more than simply survive. This email course is for women to who want to explore what it means to experience personal empowerment and shift beyond what currently is.
You can do this all in your own time at your own pace – there’s no pressure to perform a certain way or be a certain way, yet an opportunity to self reflect and learn about what’s been holding you back and ways you can start to change that.
What is one way you can begin to listen to yourself today?
I wish the best of care for you this day and every day.
Do you have any questions? Comments? Insights? I’m here to listen! Let’s chat below.
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